Modesty

I am the father of two young girls (one so young, she hasn't been born yet).  Recently, my Facebook feed was filled with debates about modesty.  I was amazed to learn that most girls in the LDS church learn about modesty as a duty they have to help boys control their thoughts.  As a person who grew up in the church, I can honestly say that I never thought about modesty that way.  I thought I would put my thoughts on the subject down here.

When I teach my daughters about modesty, I will tell them that modesty is tied to the temple.  When you go through the temple, you make certain covenants. One of them is a commitment to wear special garments.  To properly wear those garments, they must be covered at all times.  To me, all clothing that properly covers the garments is modest.  Any clothing that would require changing the garments, rolling them up, or in any way wearing them differently than instructed, that would be immodest.

The exception being special clothing for special activities.  You would not be able to wear garments swimming, but swimsuits can still be modest.  You may not want to wear your garments while exercising, but you can still be modest.  The rule I was taught, was that you should wear your garments whenever it is possible, and respectful.

This leads me to the second principle that I will teach my daughters when we talk about modesty.  To me, the way you dress is an outward expression of how you feel about yourself.  You can be stylish, and still be modest.  You can be covered from neck to ankle, and still be immodest.  Dress should accentuate your personality, not define it, or disguise it.

Finally, the way you dress will often influence the type of people you attract.  This is very different then saying that the way you dress will affect the way other people think.  A boy who would have impure thoughts because of immodest dress, will likely have impure thoughts regardless of how women dress.  I think the bigger issue is that a boy who wants to have clean thoughts would go out of his way to avoid girls whose dress makes him uncomfortable.  Meanwhile, other boys will seek out girls with immodest dress, because they are more focused on the body than the personality.  I have found that people dress like the people with whom they associate the most.  Therefore, I will tell my daughters to dress like the people they respect the most.

I don't have any sons, at this time.  I might someday.  If I do, I will use the same principles to teach them about modesty.  Dress in such a way that if you were wearing temple garments, they would be properly covered.  Dress in such a way that respects the person you are on the inside.  Dress to accentuate your personality, not to hide it.  And finally, dress to attract the type of person you would like to emulate.