Tonight, as I was putting my oldest daughter to bed, I realized how much that ritual has come to mean to me. It is a very simple moment, but it is absolutely the best part of my day. It starts with her evening milk. Once she finishes, we have family prayer. Then, if I'm lucky, I get to take her up the bed.
I get to carry her up, and she holds me tight as we go up. We have a good time on our way up the stairs. Then, I lay her in her bed, and get her "guys." There's Zebra, and Baby, and Puppy, and Elephant. She gets her binky (which we hope to wean her off soon), and gets covered up by her blanket. Every night, she then asks for a song. She always wants the "Me" song. "I love daughter, she loves me. We love (Mommy, baby, cousins, neighbors, neighbor's mommies, etc.), yessiree. They love us, and so you see, we are a happy family!"
We usually try to limit her to three verses of the song, although at times it is a challenge. Most often, by the third verse, she has one of her guys pressed against her eyes, and has settled in to her bed. I then give her a kiss on the forehead, and tell her, "Night night. We love you! See you tomorrow." Sometimes, she'll close her eyes super tight, and pretend like she's already asleep. It always makes me smile.
Each night, I'm amazed at the trust I see in her eyes. I'm amazed at the love I feel for this little person. I know that it is a tremendous challenge and responsibility to be a father. There are times that it is exasperating and beyond frustrating. But when I put her to bed, it makes it all worth it, and it gives me hope that I may be able to help in some small way raise her into a spectacular woman.
Friday, August 16, 2013
Thursday, August 15, 2013
Black Line Days
There are certain days in life that I consider Black Line Days. These are days that are a very distinct dividing point between the past and the future. There are nationwide days, like 9/11, the assassination of JFK, or men landing on the moon. There are cultural black line days, like the death of Joseph Smith in Mormon culture.
In an individual's life, black line days are usually less tragic, and are often anticipated. In my life, there have been few true black line days. November 28, 2000, November 13, 2009, and September 17, 2011 are probably the biggest in my life. I knew the first was coming, the other second was a complete surprise, and the third I knew was coming soon, but not on that very day. My life before each of these days was one way, the next something completely new and different.
May 22, 2013 was another black line day in my life. My second daughter was born on that day. Unlike our first, this birth was not a surprise. We were able to schedule an induction, so my wife and I knew it was coming. We also knew that our lives would never be the same.
Now, nearly three months into her life, I'm happy to report that our lives, though very different, are settling in to a wonderful new normal. Daughter two has been a completely new challenge. She is very different from our first, and a lot more challenging as a newborn. Still, she has a sweet smile that we are seeing more and more of. We're pretty sure that she's just frustrated that she can't move around as easily as her big sister can. I'm guessing that she will be an early crawler and walker.
Black line days can be intimidating and scary. Even when they are anticipated, we can never know exactly what's waiting for us beyond that black line. I think though, that when we move forward with faith and trust, we'll find better days and a happier life.
In an individual's life, black line days are usually less tragic, and are often anticipated. In my life, there have been few true black line days. November 28, 2000, November 13, 2009, and September 17, 2011 are probably the biggest in my life. I knew the first was coming, the other second was a complete surprise, and the third I knew was coming soon, but not on that very day. My life before each of these days was one way, the next something completely new and different.
May 22, 2013 was another black line day in my life. My second daughter was born on that day. Unlike our first, this birth was not a surprise. We were able to schedule an induction, so my wife and I knew it was coming. We also knew that our lives would never be the same.
Now, nearly three months into her life, I'm happy to report that our lives, though very different, are settling in to a wonderful new normal. Daughter two has been a completely new challenge. She is very different from our first, and a lot more challenging as a newborn. Still, she has a sweet smile that we are seeing more and more of. We're pretty sure that she's just frustrated that she can't move around as easily as her big sister can. I'm guessing that she will be an early crawler and walker.
Black line days can be intimidating and scary. Even when they are anticipated, we can never know exactly what's waiting for us beyond that black line. I think though, that when we move forward with faith and trust, we'll find better days and a happier life.
Monday, April 8, 2013
Modesty
I am the father of two young girls (one so young, she hasn't been born yet). Recently, my Facebook feed was filled with debates about modesty. I was amazed to learn that most girls in the LDS church learn about modesty as a duty they have to help boys control their thoughts. As a person who grew up in the church, I can honestly say that I never thought about modesty that way. I thought I would put my thoughts on the subject down here.
When I teach my daughters about modesty, I will tell them that modesty is tied to the temple. When you go through the temple, you make certain covenants. One of them is a commitment to wear special garments. To properly wear those garments, they must be covered at all times. To me, all clothing that properly covers the garments is modest. Any clothing that would require changing the garments, rolling them up, or in any way wearing them differently than instructed, that would be immodest.
The exception being special clothing for special activities. You would not be able to wear garments swimming, but swimsuits can still be modest. You may not want to wear your garments while exercising, but you can still be modest. The rule I was taught, was that you should wear your garments whenever it is possible, and respectful.
This leads me to the second principle that I will teach my daughters when we talk about modesty. To me, the way you dress is an outward expression of how you feel about yourself. You can be stylish, and still be modest. You can be covered from neck to ankle, and still be immodest. Dress should accentuate your personality, not define it, or disguise it.
Finally, the way you dress will often influence the type of people you attract. This is very different then saying that the way you dress will affect the way other people think. A boy who would have impure thoughts because of immodest dress, will likely have impure thoughts regardless of how women dress. I think the bigger issue is that a boy who wants to have clean thoughts would go out of his way to avoid girls whose dress makes him uncomfortable. Meanwhile, other boys will seek out girls with immodest dress, because they are more focused on the body than the personality. I have found that people dress like the people with whom they associate the most. Therefore, I will tell my daughters to dress like the people they respect the most.
I don't have any sons, at this time. I might someday. If I do, I will use the same principles to teach them about modesty. Dress in such a way that if you were wearing temple garments, they would be properly covered. Dress in such a way that respects the person you are on the inside. Dress to accentuate your personality, not to hide it. And finally, dress to attract the type of person you would like to emulate.
When I teach my daughters about modesty, I will tell them that modesty is tied to the temple. When you go through the temple, you make certain covenants. One of them is a commitment to wear special garments. To properly wear those garments, they must be covered at all times. To me, all clothing that properly covers the garments is modest. Any clothing that would require changing the garments, rolling them up, or in any way wearing them differently than instructed, that would be immodest.
The exception being special clothing for special activities. You would not be able to wear garments swimming, but swimsuits can still be modest. You may not want to wear your garments while exercising, but you can still be modest. The rule I was taught, was that you should wear your garments whenever it is possible, and respectful.
This leads me to the second principle that I will teach my daughters when we talk about modesty. To me, the way you dress is an outward expression of how you feel about yourself. You can be stylish, and still be modest. You can be covered from neck to ankle, and still be immodest. Dress should accentuate your personality, not define it, or disguise it.
Finally, the way you dress will often influence the type of people you attract. This is very different then saying that the way you dress will affect the way other people think. A boy who would have impure thoughts because of immodest dress, will likely have impure thoughts regardless of how women dress. I think the bigger issue is that a boy who wants to have clean thoughts would go out of his way to avoid girls whose dress makes him uncomfortable. Meanwhile, other boys will seek out girls with immodest dress, because they are more focused on the body than the personality. I have found that people dress like the people with whom they associate the most. Therefore, I will tell my daughters to dress like the people they respect the most.
I don't have any sons, at this time. I might someday. If I do, I will use the same principles to teach them about modesty. Dress in such a way that if you were wearing temple garments, they would be properly covered. Dress in such a way that respects the person you are on the inside. Dress to accentuate your personality, not to hide it. And finally, dress to attract the type of person you would like to emulate.
Monday, February 4, 2013
No Magic Bullet
I have made a discovery. Earth-shattering. World-changing. The kind of discovery that changes everything. My discovery is simply this: There is no magic bullet. No magic bullet to lose weight. No magic bullet to get out of debt. No magic bullet to keep the house clean, the yard looking good, your relationship strong. Anything worth getting in this life is going to require sacrifice and hard work.
I've been overweight most of my life. I've always wanted the magic bullet to get thin. It never worked. In October 2011, I accepted there was no magic bullet. I started counting my calories, I cut out unhealthy food, and I tried to exercise more. I lost 20 pounds. I've kept it off. I've made a goal to lose another 20 pounds this year. I know, though, that I'll have to work harder, and work even harder to get down to my next goal.
For most of my bachelor years, I thought there had to be a magic bullet for finances. I put purchase after purchase on my credit cards, and just hoped that someday they would be payed in full. I never knew how that would happen, but I couldn't seem to keep my money under control. After I got married, my wife and I spent almost a year living in the same way. In an effort to get our debt under control, we took out a debt consolidation loan from my brother, with a promise that we would pay it back within a year. I payed token amounts for the first 9 months, once again just hoping that somehow, those token payments would somehow add up to the whole debt. Finally, it became clear that drastic action was going to be required to meet that obligation.
I budgeted out every cent, and pulled every string, and even sold my car. We used every spare dime, and paid off the debt on time. The problem was, we had put pretty much the same amount of money on our credit cards, so we were no better off. Now, we are working on getting out of debt the right way. There is no magic bullet. We've made a plan, we're paying off a little debt every month, paying extra on our highest interest debt to retire it first. It's going to take a full five years, but we're going to get it done.
I want our house to look good, top to bottom. I want to paint, I want to re-carpet, I want to redecorate every room. But I want that all to happen without having to work on it. I want the lawn to be green and perfectly groomed. I want the garden to be perfect, the flower beds weeded and freshly turned. But I don't want to be out there for an hour or two every day, putting in the work.
More and more, though, the lesson is sinking in. There is no magic bullet. I have to put in the work to get the results. If there is a product that promises radical weight loss with no extra effort, don't expect it to work. If there is a new system that promises over-night wealth, free money, or a fast and easy way to get rid of debt, look for the "results not typical" disclaimer, because I guarantee it will be there. The only things worth having in this life are going to be difficult, are going to take hard work and dedication. If they didn't, would they really be worth having?
I've been overweight most of my life. I've always wanted the magic bullet to get thin. It never worked. In October 2011, I accepted there was no magic bullet. I started counting my calories, I cut out unhealthy food, and I tried to exercise more. I lost 20 pounds. I've kept it off. I've made a goal to lose another 20 pounds this year. I know, though, that I'll have to work harder, and work even harder to get down to my next goal.
For most of my bachelor years, I thought there had to be a magic bullet for finances. I put purchase after purchase on my credit cards, and just hoped that someday they would be payed in full. I never knew how that would happen, but I couldn't seem to keep my money under control. After I got married, my wife and I spent almost a year living in the same way. In an effort to get our debt under control, we took out a debt consolidation loan from my brother, with a promise that we would pay it back within a year. I payed token amounts for the first 9 months, once again just hoping that somehow, those token payments would somehow add up to the whole debt. Finally, it became clear that drastic action was going to be required to meet that obligation.
I budgeted out every cent, and pulled every string, and even sold my car. We used every spare dime, and paid off the debt on time. The problem was, we had put pretty much the same amount of money on our credit cards, so we were no better off. Now, we are working on getting out of debt the right way. There is no magic bullet. We've made a plan, we're paying off a little debt every month, paying extra on our highest interest debt to retire it first. It's going to take a full five years, but we're going to get it done.
I want our house to look good, top to bottom. I want to paint, I want to re-carpet, I want to redecorate every room. But I want that all to happen without having to work on it. I want the lawn to be green and perfectly groomed. I want the garden to be perfect, the flower beds weeded and freshly turned. But I don't want to be out there for an hour or two every day, putting in the work.
More and more, though, the lesson is sinking in. There is no magic bullet. I have to put in the work to get the results. If there is a product that promises radical weight loss with no extra effort, don't expect it to work. If there is a new system that promises over-night wealth, free money, or a fast and easy way to get rid of debt, look for the "results not typical" disclaimer, because I guarantee it will be there. The only things worth having in this life are going to be difficult, are going to take hard work and dedication. If they didn't, would they really be worth having?
Monday, January 21, 2013
President Barack Obama's Second Inaguration
President Barack Obama was sworn-in as President of the United States today for the final time. He is the only two-term President to be sworn in four times. The first time he was sworn in, there were some stumbling of the oath between the Chief Justice and President Obama. They repeated the oath the next day. President Obama was sworn in officially yesterday as the Constitution demands. When the twentieth falls on a Sunday, the public inauguration happens the next day. This resulted in Obama being sworn in twice this time as well. I am a collector of random and useless facts, such as this.
I enjoyed watching President Obama's second inaugural address. My favorite line was "We cannot mistake absolutism for principle, or substitute spectacle for politics, or treat name-calling as reasoned debate." I consider myself an independent, and this one line explains why. Both parties, though perhaps more in the Republican party, tend to use rhetoric that they vehemently condemns when it comes from the other side. I remember hearing Democrats condemn George W. Bush, saying he should be impeached, if not killed. Many of my Republican friends and family spoke of how unpatriotic such talk was, and that the office of the President demands more respect, regardless of who holds it. Now, I can't go more than a day or two without seeing a Facebook post calling for the impeachment or assassination of Barack Obama.
I believe there are big issues facing this country. I believe that gun control, gay marriage, abortion, and the deficit are all serious issues. Calling anyone who supports gun control an anti-constitution Nazi does not move the debate forward. Calling anyone who has questions about the advisability of legalizing gay marriage a homophobic loser stuck in the 1800's doesn't answer any of the questions that person might have.
I believe in civilized debate. I believe that big issues deserve serious conversations. I believe that in more cases than not, there is middle ground. I believe that compromise is not a bad word. I enjoying talking to people about big, complicated issues when they treat them as big, complicated issues, and do not try to simplify them to absolutes, or resort to name calling when they cannot form a coherent argument against a position. I only wish I saw more meaningful discourse, and less absolutism, spectacle, and name-calling on the big issues.
I enjoyed watching President Obama's second inaugural address. My favorite line was "We cannot mistake absolutism for principle, or substitute spectacle for politics, or treat name-calling as reasoned debate." I consider myself an independent, and this one line explains why. Both parties, though perhaps more in the Republican party, tend to use rhetoric that they vehemently condemns when it comes from the other side. I remember hearing Democrats condemn George W. Bush, saying he should be impeached, if not killed. Many of my Republican friends and family spoke of how unpatriotic such talk was, and that the office of the President demands more respect, regardless of who holds it. Now, I can't go more than a day or two without seeing a Facebook post calling for the impeachment or assassination of Barack Obama.
I believe there are big issues facing this country. I believe that gun control, gay marriage, abortion, and the deficit are all serious issues. Calling anyone who supports gun control an anti-constitution Nazi does not move the debate forward. Calling anyone who has questions about the advisability of legalizing gay marriage a homophobic loser stuck in the 1800's doesn't answer any of the questions that person might have.
I believe in civilized debate. I believe that big issues deserve serious conversations. I believe that in more cases than not, there is middle ground. I believe that compromise is not a bad word. I enjoying talking to people about big, complicated issues when they treat them as big, complicated issues, and do not try to simplify them to absolutes, or resort to name calling when they cannot form a coherent argument against a position. I only wish I saw more meaningful discourse, and less absolutism, spectacle, and name-calling on the big issues.
Wednesday, January 16, 2013
Gun Control
President Obama announced today his plan for meaningful gun control. The NRA, predictably, condemned his attempt at creating meaningful gun control (before the announcement, of course). Liberals condemned Obama's actions as not going far enough.
Personally, I have a hard time understanding how banning assault weapons, semi-automatic and fully automatic weapons, along with expanded clips, armor piercing rounds, and other extreme guns infringes on anyone's second amendment right to bear arms. Conservatives who insist that any gun control is unpatriotic miss an opportunity to create meaningful boundaries that would ensure greater safety in the country while protecting the BASIC right to bear arms.
I dislike the extreme arguments on both sides of this issue. This is one of the issues that bring out the worst in people. Anytime that a position includes threats of extreme violence to holders of the opposite view, you can tell that reasoned discussion has gone out the window. If you ask me, the best way to find a good balance in gun control would be to eliminate the extremists. The strongest proponents of gun control should be excluded, along with members of the NRA.
Anyways, I'm not an expert, I don't like guns, and I'm sure most people could tear my hastily and un-researched arguments to shreds. These are just my own personal musings.
Personally, I have a hard time understanding how banning assault weapons, semi-automatic and fully automatic weapons, along with expanded clips, armor piercing rounds, and other extreme guns infringes on anyone's second amendment right to bear arms. Conservatives who insist that any gun control is unpatriotic miss an opportunity to create meaningful boundaries that would ensure greater safety in the country while protecting the BASIC right to bear arms.
I dislike the extreme arguments on both sides of this issue. This is one of the issues that bring out the worst in people. Anytime that a position includes threats of extreme violence to holders of the opposite view, you can tell that reasoned discussion has gone out the window. If you ask me, the best way to find a good balance in gun control would be to eliminate the extremists. The strongest proponents of gun control should be excluded, along with members of the NRA.
Anyways, I'm not an expert, I don't like guns, and I'm sure most people could tear my hastily and un-researched arguments to shreds. These are just my own personal musings.
Tuesday, January 15, 2013
My Mundane Musings
Welcome to my own personal mundane musings. This blog will be a place where I write my own personal musings on the most random and far-flung topics imaginable. I highly doubt that there will be anything here of value to anyone else than me.
I am a thirty-something life-long Mormon, Utahn, and story lover. I love stories in all forms, from books to T.V., from movies to music. I have a bachelor's degree in ancient history, and a masters degree in Mormon History. I have an interest in politics, though mostly in that train-wreck-can't-look-away sense. I am adamantly independent, though I do have conservative leanings. Future posts will likely come from all of these areas.
Let the musings begin!
I am a thirty-something life-long Mormon, Utahn, and story lover. I love stories in all forms, from books to T.V., from movies to music. I have a bachelor's degree in ancient history, and a masters degree in Mormon History. I have an interest in politics, though mostly in that train-wreck-can't-look-away sense. I am adamantly independent, though I do have conservative leanings. Future posts will likely come from all of these areas.
Let the musings begin!
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